Much needless detail in a hole ridden plot
by shola
Summary: Very little now, more there shall be if it is reqiured. Must stop letting Yoda write my summaries. Ch 4 up!
1. Default Chapter

A/N: I think a little bit of background is necessary, you filthy children of Lucifer! Yes, yes! Scratch your licey scalps in an effort to comprehend me MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Kay, point is, I have been absent from the puss soaked world of fanfiction for some time now due to my preoccupation with ever twirly touchy squishy poetry. So it might not be all that good to begin with. But I'm sure you're need to worship someone will be quickly filled with my own seriously hot carcass. ENJOY!  
  
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The rooftops gleamed in the moonlight's ever present glowing gleamy…thing. So late it was, each motorised car motor remained silent, snuggling in their cosy oil permeated garages. The night was only punctuated by the regular chomping of the mechanical mannican indigenous to Harry's Prime Assmeats.  
  
Who could have possibly known that tonight would be the night…  
  
"Hahahahaha, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"  
  
"Quiiiiiiet!"  
  
"GIR! How dare you address me as some PUNY human parent would their snivelling offspring?! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!"  
  
What would appear to the casual observer a short, rather green skinned, red-eyed person was addressing a shorter greener dog as such. (If you don't know what I'm referring to, why the hell are you reading this?!)  
  
Gir looked up at Zim in his own darling under the brow Lady Di manner. (Silence…looks around What? Still too soon?! For the love of-)  
  
"There's someone at the door."  
  
Gir toddled to the from door of their commode.  
  
"GIR NOOOOO! The plan! The coming of endless DOOOOOOM! They can't find out. What about-DIB!!!!!!"  
  
The door had, needless to say-I mean,uh, write(?)-been flung open during Zim's. ahem, 'speech'. A young bespecaled boy with an unusually large head was gaping in the door frame.  
  
FLASH  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOO! You humans and your photographic evidence! Such a crude filthy race you are, GIR seize him!!"   
  
Zim's raised arm soon came to rest by his side again. It was his turn to gape, this time at his own underling.  
  
Gir was lying on his back, raising his head to touch his feet and reversing into an odd sort of backflip.  
  
Zim stepped towards him.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?"  
  
Gir looked up at him, mid flip.  
  
"It's a full body workout. Here, FEEL MY ABS!!!"  
  
Zim rolled his pupilless eyes. (Heehee)  
  
"Gir if you don't get up this instant and get that camera there will be no crazy monkey show for MONTHS! So little show there shall be…"  
  
Gir looked about him in a bewildered sort of way.  
  
"But he's gone"  
  
"Thanks for the picture Ziiiiiiimmmmmmmmm…" wafted in from the nearby window.  
  
"This is most unfortuanate…"  
  
"Weehee! I'm sweatin like an oldie!" 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So some of you underlings enjoyed my god-like efforts previous to this. Yes yes, its all falling into place! Hahahahaha...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
(Seriously though, I appreciate the reviewing and such, Cheers lads)  
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"Gaz! GAZ!!"

A tiny purple-haired girl narrowed her satanic eyes at the piercing whine of her brother's voice.  
"Didn't I have you killed?"Dib's large headed enthusiasm was in no way dampened by his sister's death wishes.  
" Naw," he shrugged, "Fuzzybuns somehow thought that Roswell poster was me and disintegrated it. Then she went back to sleep."Gaz's left eye began to twitch as she gritted her teeth.  
"Useless minions, defy my programming?! EAT SULFUR!!"Gaz pressed a superfluous button on her Gameslave II and a large flash of red light ensued from her bedroom doorway. This was promptly followed by several metallic sounding clunks, and a large amount of screaming. Screaming that sounded as if it was coming from a synthetic voicebox.

Dib looked behind him. Having ascertained (to the best of his scant ability) the level of carnage that had just ensued, he tentatively turned back to face his demonic sister.

"Sooooo...how 'bout that long division?"

Gaz didn't bother to look up.  
"What? With the remainders? How I loathe remainders. Standing there in oblivion, tormenting the watcher with their lack of divisibility. Soon they shall feel the wrath of-"  
"Uh, actually Gaz, I wanted to ask you something."Gaz surveyed Dib in as quizzical a manner as is possible through a perpetually sullen demeanour. Dib shifted his weight from foot to foot.  
"Um, I was just wondering if I could borrow your Ga-"Before he knew what had happened Dib was lying on his backing the yard outside his living room.  
He stood up and looked, dazed, through the living room window."But Gaz, it could save man kind! I have pictures, real evidence that Zim's an alien and I need the graphical advances that I can only get with the gameslave to-ARRRGGGGH!!!!"

Gaz looked up.

"Well done Snuggles."

The tiny girl dropped from the couch and walked slowly to her room. A vampirish stuffer bear followed her, a cattle prod-like appendage still smoking at it's chest.

Dib remained twitching on the ground until nightfall.


	3. Chapter 3

"GIR!! Return to the control room. I don't want any part of the plan to suffer because of your STUPIDITY!!" "But I forgot to register."  
  
Zim stared. "What?"  
  
Gir surveyed Zim matter-of-factly.  
"The lady on TV said that if you don't register you can't vote. And if I can't vote I can't get a free tub of nail goop in Alice's Beauty Dungeon."  
  
Zim continued staring at Gir, first of all dealing with the length of Gir's speech. "Gir never gets that sort of airtime, the viewers will become suspicious…" Suddenly, Zim felt as if he had been knocked over by some racing force. He was sure he had been bowled over by some fantastic idea but soon realised that there was merely a light bulb flickering over his head.  
  
"GIR! What is this, voting?"  
  
But it was too late. Gir was already traipsing around the room wearing a pink apron. He skipped merrily (the gaiety, how it haunts me) over to Zim and handed him a paper bag. Unfortunately, the bottom was to fall out of it quite soon. (Do not worry, I am not trying to burden your tiny brains with squishy metaphor. The above is meant quite literally, for you see, our ever-so-thoughtful li'l Gir has filled Zim's bag with super nutritious raw (for flavour) pig entrails, whose effluent juices were dripping through the end of the feeble paper bag.)  
  
Zim glanced at the repulsive bag, clearly marked "LUNCH EATS".  
"Uh, Gir?"  
  
Gir remained cooing around Zim in his dear mother hen manner.  
  
"Hurry, or you'll be late for Skool! And remember, take candy from strangers, it tastes GOOOOOD!!!!"  
  
Gir slammed the door in Zim's face.  
SPLAT.  
  
It took Zim ten minutes to recover ans kick the pig intestine off his shoes.  
"Monday. What a vile human ritual." 


	4. Chapter 4

Zim as per his usual routine, goose-stepped merrily to Skool, his eyes closed and the space that his nose would have inhabited (had he been a filthy _human_) thrust wholeheartedly into the air.

He didn't notice a tiny, round puppy wiggle out of a dirty alleyway behind him.

Not anymore anyway.

The alley had been commissioned by the housing estates on either side of it in order to make them look more upmarket by comparison.  
The alcoholic bums that lived in the alley were actually out of work sitcom actors on 8 dollars an hour.

"Hey the dog is leaving!" simpered a distinctly effeminate male voice from between a set of over-flowing trash cans within. "Uh, I mean uh, I sure am drunk…and homeless…I should probably find someone to urinate on now"  
"Dude, bums don't say 'urinate', I can't work with such idiots," muttered a different voice within.

But of course this didn't matter, as Zim was ignoring the happenings of the alley with all of his mighty Urkan, ah…might. He merely continued to stride onwards towards Skool.

He soon paused to cross the street (an inane human ritual involving some liquid oozing female stopping vehicles mid-journey so that the insipid infant humans can reach the other side of the 'street'. Urkan motorists wouldnot stand for any such interruption. The insolence of these infants. This filth riddled planet…)

Upon standing there for a number of long, long seconds, one particularly revolting child managed to drool, "Hey, dahuh, that dog sure is duh, uh, dahuh…"

Zim examined the child in pompous bemusement.  
"Dog! Why there is no dog here puss riddled classmate. Why would you insinuate such lies? LIES!"

The child continued to gaze at Zim in far off vacant stupidity.  
"Dahuh, sure there is, duh huh, it's right behind you."

Zim twisted around to survey the sweetly slobbering, tailwagging ball of cuteness that was waddling up behind him.

Surveying the dog with only mild disgust (perhaps on account of the gut wrenching cuteness), there seemed to be some sort of connection between the dog and himself. As if Zim needed it for something or other. Hmmm, was it something to do with the barbaric human custom of 'homework'?

As he stroked his non-existent chin deep in thought, Zim experienced a little known feeling somewhere in his left shin. He felt that for once, he may actually be right…

"Hey, Green Kid."

Looking up, Zim recognised one of his idiot classmates addressing him. She hadn't been capable of speech the past few weeks so surely she had covered from her recent lobotomy (her parents could no longer afford the necessary Retalin supplements.)

"What did you bring for Show and Tell? I have the rest of my brain!" Drooling uncontrollably, she held up an ominous looking jar containing an inch cubed piece of gelatinous flesh.

_Funny_, thought Zim_, I'm sure the stink child said they removed 80 per cent of the brain she housed in her filthy skull…_

Realising he had to answer the revolting child's question, Zim's eyes fell once more on the dog behind him. Realisation dawned on him like a fiery Urkan mid to late afternoon.

"Why, I have brought this dog! Yes, yes it's all falling into place. I shall show you my dog and tell you about him as per the idiotic human custom."

Thoroughly satisfied with his skills as a covert operator for the Urkan military, Zim finished his journey in smug contentment.


End file.
